Can a marriage be repaired after each person has had an affair? Yes, it's possible. Can the two of you accomplish this? I don’t know.
First, any and all other lovers have to be left without hope of your ever getting together again, even if you and your spouse don't work out.
Second, you both have to want to be with each other, and to work toward that goal. A good marriage takes a lot of tolerance for not letting the little irritations irritate you.
You have to give yourself a pep talk inside your head to build yourself up when your spouse seems to be tearing you down.
When your spouse is doing something that irritates you, you have to practice positive thinking about your spouse–to work out giving the benefit of the doubt to his or her behavior. This might include telling yourself that your spouse is having a bad day, or that your spouse is feeling ______ (fill in the blank–some possible feelings to insert in the blank might be: tired, afraid of losing his job, insulted by his brother, hurting from his toothache, abandoned by his parents, etc.).
Another helpful practice is to think in your head thoughts of love toward your spouse, even when your spouse is not present. You might say to yourself, something like "I really love the way she smiled at me and laughed at my joke before I left for work this morning." Or, "I love how he gives me that extra squeeze when he hugs me."
Even when the day hasn't started well between you, I am suggesting that you find the quickest way back to a loving attitude and loving behavior. Feeling sorry for yourself and thinking bad thoughts about your spouse are counterproductive to re-establishing a good relationship.
You both need to work on your characters. I suggest you dump all your secrets to each other and be transparent from here on. Of course, these actions could further destroy your relationship. These are delicate balances which benefit from experienced, professional guidance.
Is it possible? Yes.
