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Immediately After Learning of the Affair

What to Do Right After Discovering Your Spouse's Betrayal

During the early days after discovery, I encourage people to not be in a rush.

You Have Time to Decide

You don’t have to know immediately what you are going to do. Of course, you very well might feel what you want to do at that time, which is different than knowing your decision.

Intellectual decisions and emotional decisions are different and stem from different thought processes. There does not have to be any rush. Give yourself time to make a complete decision.

Wait to Sort Out Feelings

If you decide to divorce, will it make much difference if you start the process this week or two months from now? By waiting, you give yourself more of an opportunity to sort out your feelings.

You can Survive an Affair

In my experience, many couples are able to survive the affair with an improved marriage. This is accomplished by both spouses making a conscious decision to dedicate themselves to each other and their future together, and to apply themselves to the difficult work ahead. By this I mean that the cheater will need to repair his or her character and you both have invested in your relationship in a new and stronger way.

If you both are dedicated to putting your marriage together and improving your relationship, and you are willing to do the difficult work together, you have a good chance of creating a marriage that is better than ever.

Wishing you much success in having patience and making a thoughtful decision.