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Why Am I Jealous?

Jealousy in Marriage and What To Do About It

Do you think there is good reason for your jealous feelings and insecurity? If jealousy is new to you and your relationship, then perhaps something else is going on. Ask yourself what, if anything, your spouse might be doing to make you feel jealous.

Jealousy in Marriage: Your First Course of Action

If you can identify specific behaviors in your spouse that promote your insecure feelings, your first course of action should be to talk over your concerns with your partner. Of course, the way you talk about your feelings of jealousy could either help or harm your relationship.

Discuss Feelings, Without Accusing

If you start out with accusations, not only will you invite your spouse to be defensive, but you might create or make worse a jealous relationship, creating a negative back-and-forth in your marriage that will most likely escalate. Creating this type of relationship is not a good long-term solution.

Talk Out Your Insecurities or Jealousies

Before you talk to your spouse about the bothersome behavior you’ve seen or heard directly, or heard about from others, coach yourself first to approach the conversation with an open mind. Remind yourself that you are about to talk with your friend, not a convicted criminal. Allow for the possibility that you misunderstood or you have incorrect information.

You Don’t Have To Be Naive About Marital Jealousy

If this is one installment in a series of occurrences, you don’t have to continue to think your spouse is innocent. Understand, too, I am discussing jealousies or suspicions and not clear infidelity or a marital affair.

Important: If you have unquestionable evidence, such as finding a text on your spouse’s phone that says, “I really enjoyed sex with you last night”, or walking in on your spouse making out with someone else, you are clearly dealing with infidelity.

Learn to Give The Benefit of The Doubt

Before you talk with your spouse, give yourself the mental exercise of giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt, if possible.

For example, you saw your spouse get out of a car with someone of the opposite sex. Think to yourself, “What innocent situation could possibly explain the situation I just saw?” For example, it might have been a new regional supervisor who insisted on having lunch as an introduction, or perhaps your spouse’s boss asked your spouse to attend a meeting with that person and insisted they travel together to discuss a plan of action.

Relationship Boundaries Are Important

If your spouse was close to or actually crossed a boundary of your relationship, be specific about your expectation(s) for your relationship boundaries. Ask for input from your spouse. You will get more information if you treat your inquiry in a business-like way, rather than as enemies.

Learn more about creating relationship boundaries.

I wish you success in dealing with your jealousy and setting reasonable boundaries with your spouse. Warmest regards,