You are right to be concerned. Part of developing a successful marriage is growing up and acting like you're married, which your wife is not willing to do.
I don't think you will be successful at getting her to a therapist for an evaluation, but I recommend you use whatever persuasive approach you have. I would guess your marriage is doomed unless and until she wakes up and joins you in counseling, which would mean authentically dumping the other guy.
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