Spouses with Friends of the Opposite Sex

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Dear Dr. Gunzburg

How are you doing today, I am a 24-year-old husband serving in the military with two kids and a beautiful wife. My question is how am I suppose to please a person or make them happy if they aren't happy with themselves?

I tried numerous ways, couples vacations and other things. She insists on having a male friend like it would kill her if she didn't. Personally I don't trust it at all and [I am] tired of feeling this way. She doesn't help out around the house or with the kids as if she really doesn't want to be here, but always says she does.

I REALLY NEED HELP BECAUSE I WANT THIS TO WORK....She has this male friend that she met in a club like a month ago and now all of a sudden they are best friends; I dont know what to think, she sits up all night talking and texting him but doesn't have anything to say to me when I am around - I am to the point that I can't take it. She says that I am insecure and trying to control her life and she wants a life outside of our marriage.

Please help me have a better understanding of this...

-Frustrated in Delaware

Dear Frustrated,

You are right to be concerned. Part of developing a successful marriage is growing up and acting like you're married, which your wife is not willing to do.

I don't think you will be successful at getting her to a therapist for an evaluation, but I recommend you use whatever persuasive approach you have. I would guess your marriage is doomed unless and until she wakes up and joins you in counseling, which would mean authentically dumping the other guy.

My best wishes to you in putting your marriage back together.

If you want to work with me, I offer marriage counseling in Maryland, to couples from all over the world. I am intentionally out-of-network for all insurance plans. My fees are based on $260 per hour, with a 45 minute session costing $195. I also have self-help programs available.

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