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Renew Intimacy and Have Fun in Your Relationship:
When you first meet someone and discover that initial spark, it seems eternal. It's love, romance and intimacy at its finest. You can not wait to be with your love again and you anxiously await each and every phone call as if it were the first and last combined.
Sometime after you are married, that romance and intimacy somehow ends up taking a backseat to the everyday demands of work, bills, laundry, home maintenance, family, and the other responsibilities of living. As a matter of fact, what you used to call romance is nothing more than a vague memory. You might find that when you awake in the morning you are trying to mentally pencil in time for romance later that evening but when later comes, you are just exhausted. Something else always seems to come up.
Is that happening in your relationship right now? Maybe it has been going on for a while or perhaps you are just starting to notice it. What used to be hot and sensual is now fizzling and fizzling quickly. Romance seems to be the first thing to suffer even though on the outside everything may appear to be fine. The way that others perceive you and maybe even the way that you perceive yourselves might seem normal. Romance that is dying is a silent path that could lead to the death of your marriage. It is like a fire that is smoldering, soon to be lost.
It is hard to embrace a sense of specialness in your relationship without intimacy. Romance encourages intimacy to thrive. Romance includes the things that you do for each other throughout the day, the special email or text message, letting your partner know how special he is, or, that you still find her attractive, or a simple and authentic "I love you."
This type of romance can not be forged, it has to come right from the heart or it is futile. When it does come from the heart it has more power than you could imagine. When romance comes from the heart and is true it lets your spouse know that you really do care and that you treasure your time spent together. Intimate love is based on vulnerability. You have to allow yourself or teach yourself to become vulnerable which requires rebuilding your trust if that has been broken.
This is part of unlocking the intimacy and developing a deep connection between you. This is time for just the two of you, a time that no one else gets to share.
The three changes that can renew intimacy for you:
1. Add romantic gestures or learn how to be romantic even if you believe that you are not the romantic type. A romantic gesture can be as simple as looking at your spouse with a wonderful, beaming smile and authentically saying, "You look great." Help yourself to be romantic by using your inner voice to say positive words in your own mind about your spouse. This will help you to feel good about time you spend together. For example, in addition to anything you say out loud, you say to yourself something like, "I really love you", or "I think you're beautiful." You can find other easy ways to be romantic in my program, Saving Your Marriage.
2. Rebuild your trust, if necessary, and open yourself up emotionally so that you can discuss your vulnerability. Some examples of raising trust in your relationship would be to openly admit your wrongdoings and to be transparent about your actions--not trying to hide where you are going or what you are going to do.
3. Make dates together for just the two of you--dates that you don't break. A date can be an hour long so that you are able to meet more frequently, sometimes an afternoon, maybe an all day affair, or even a weekend away together. Don't compare yourselves to anyone else, it's not about wining and dining or spending a lot of money, plus everyone has different time schedules and priorities.
Take the time and the effort to open the door of opportunity towards intimacy. Taking charge of your relationship in a positive way can lead you to a marriage that is better than ever.
If you want more ideas on how to improve your marriage, you can sign up for my free e-course.
Warm regards and my best wishes for a wonderful marriage--
Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D.
1-866-654-1300
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