Jealousy--Are You Feeling Jealous?
Jealousy is an early warning sign that detects
potential threats to your relationship.
If you’re jealous, ask yourself: Is
my spouse doing anything to make me jealous
or am I overreacting. Is my jealousy a healthy
expression of passion or is jealousy harming
my relationship?
If your spouse is provoking your jealousy
– intentionally or not – it
may seem reasonable to be jealous. If you
believe you have good reason to be jealous,
talking about it with your spouse is important
and may protect your marriage. Just keep
in mind that the way you talk about your
feelings of jealousy can help or harm your
relationship.
If your spouse is provoking your jealousy,
don’t try to hide your feelings, but
communicate them in non-combative ways to
your spouse.
TRY: “I feel jealous
when you take calls at home from that (man
or woman) you work with, especially when
the calls are not business-related. I feel
better when you protect our personal time
together.
AVOID: “Don’t
you dare let that (man or woman) call here
again! I know there’s something going
on between you two, and I won’t stand
for it!”
If something about your spouse’s behavior
makes you feel uncomfortable, speak up,
but don’t use your jealousy to control
your spouse’s behavior.
If you’re “the jealous type”
who checks up frequently on your spouse,
monitors your spouse’s dress habits
(“Aren’t you dressed up fancy,
just to go to work”), flies into a
rage if your spouse gets home from work
a few minutes late or listens in on your
spouse’s phone conversations, this
is unhealthy. Jealousy – even if it
is justified – does not give you the
right to control your spouse.
And what if your spouse isn’t doing
anything to provoke your jealousy and you’re
still mistrustful? Jealousy, in this case,
is connected more to your own insecurities
than your spouse’s behavior. Ask yourself:
why am I feeling insecure? Am I feeling
less attractive because I’m aging
or have put on weight? Have I been cheated
on before (or been guilty of infidelity
myself) and am I projecting those experiences
onto my current partner?
If so, then it’s important to acknowledge
that your jealousy is rooted in your own
issues and to work to resolve them without
inflicting harmful jealousy on your spouse.
Are you ready to learn more about jealousy
and how it may be affecting your relationship?
Read
How To Handle Jealousy
Or,
Are you the one who is jealous? Is your
own jealousy driving you or your spouse
crazy? Read
Are You Provoking Jealousy?
Did you miss
Are You Overly Jealous??
