Free Marriage Tips-Attitude Is Everything

Attitude is Everything in Marriage

Your Attitude Determines Your Feelings and Actions

Did you know that your attitude, how you think about your spouse and what you think about your spouse will determine your feelings and actions? Your attitude is everything in your marriage. If you are expecting and anticipating that your spouse is going to be complaining, that is what you are going to hear more of. Since you are expecting it, it will be what stands out most when your husband or wife speaks to you.

If you expect your spouse to be dissatisfied with you or to be nasty to you then you are going to prepare an "appropriate" response in advance, even when that might not have been your intention.

When you think negative thoughts or expect negative responses, you develop a negative attitude. Attitude is what you get after you develop a style of thinking (positive or negative) and then practice it so well that it seems like you don't even have to think it out before you respond. Having an attitude is like pre-thinking your next response.

Sometimes the problem attitude is your partner's against you, or it could be yours against your partner.

For example, one of the areas where an attitude can develop is in how one of you chooses to spend your time. It is common for one person in the couple to complain about the other spending time focused elsewhere--away from spouse or family.

• Perhaps your spouse complains that you watch too much TV.
• Or, your spouse thinks you talk on the phone too much.
• Maybe you think your spouse always sits in front of the computer.
• Or, you think he spends all his time at the bar drinking with friends.

Just because either of you develops an attitude, doesn't mean that you are in the right. Often an attitude develops when that person has been trying to communicate something of importance and it goes unheard.

If you are serious about improving your marriage then you might have to change some of your attitudes.

If it is YOUR attitude that is the problem:

Instead of complaining, being angry and expecting negative behavior, propose a different activity. Set aside time to do something satisfying together with a positive attitude.

If it is YOUR SPOUSE'S attitude that is the problem:

Respond in a positive way. Show that you are taking steps to reduce the behavior in question. Arrange to share fun time together.

Certainly, if you were newly dating you would do so, no matter how busy you are.

Remember when your relationship was fresh and you couldn't wait to spend time together. During that time you wouldn't have dreamed of finally getting to spend some time with your partner and wasting it on an episode of Law & Order. No, instead you would have gotten a DVR box and recorded it for later or missed it altogether. You would have turned the ringer off on your phone or ignored it. And, you would include your partner in most of your social outings.

Go back to that time and remember the fun that you had together. That fun is the core of your friendship, your relationship, and your intimacy. Take time to smell the roses.

I have given you a two-sided message in this advice:

Watch out for your own negative attitudes where you predict negative responses from your spouse, AND, when your spouse has a repetitive negative response to your behavior, think about the criticism and what you can do to make life better for the most important person in your world.